I Still Believe (Yehyang Church 2016.12.23) by Ann Choi

My Story-- Part 5
I promise I own more than one dress.
To listen to me sing as soon as possible, click 0:43.

"Yes, still. I still believe. I know as long as I can keep believing, I'll live. I'll live." Though Kim sings this line for love, I sang it for me.

For years, I struggled with happiness. (Extreme euphemism, if you catch my drift.) Though not ashamed of my struggles, I wish to make my channel a happy place filled with happy memories. In fact, the moments I was singing may have been the only times I was truly happy. The stage was my escape: I was alone onstage facing all my fears. They watched, waiting for me to fall. I didn't. I felt my pain drift out my body with every line, every note.

To anyone who is struggling: I will not say I understand, because I don't. Everybody struggles in different ways, and nobody can ever fully understand anyone else's pain except the very person experiencing it all. But I empathize. I have felt what you feel. Loss of hope, loss of control, loss of happiness. Loss of purpose, loss of motivation, loss of self. I know.

I think one of the least helpful things you can say to someone going through hardship is "things will get better." 'How? With what evidence do you assert such assurance?' 'When? For I cannot survive any longer.'

So, I will make an alteration: Things will get better, but only if you want them to get better. People could encourage and support you all day long; but at the end of the day, healing is all on you, by you, for you. On you, because you know yourself best and know what you must do. By you, because change of environment or mindset is by your choice and effort. For you, because you deserve it. You deserve to enjoy life as much as anybody else out there. It will be hard to accept, but it is an inarguable fact. Everyone deserves to be happy.

It took me years to reach my current state of happiness, stability, and self-acceptance. It was not an easy journey. But once you reach this destination and meet me at the end, I will be here to roll out the red carpet or simply give you a hug.

Видео I Still Believe (Yehyang Church 2016.12.23) by Ann Choi канала Ann Ahyoung Choi